Suburban Stupidity: The Swim Team Edition

Ah, yes - time for another rant on life amongst the shallow. I'm in a mood today, so nothing like venting a little about the inane behavior I see around me every day.

Swim team practice has begun. Every day, we hop on our bicycles and pedal the distance to the practice pool - less than a mile, I'm guessing. Many of my neighbors prefer to drive their children. In their gas-guzzling SUVs. Wouldn't want the little darlings to get overworked on their way to exercise.

To be fair, there are a lot of bicycles over there - lots of kids ride bikes. (But without helmets, another pet peeve of mine - I have even sacrificed my hair for safety, lest I be called a hypocrite.) The pool is located across from the elementary school, right in the very center of the subdivision. So it's tough to argue that it's an unreasonable distance to travel by bike. Or by foot, for that matter. Keep in mind that these are people who love their exercise. I guess they want it on their own terms.

On occasion I see a child riding his or her bicycle ... tailed by a mother in a car (SUV) driving about 5 mph. I guess they don't want their kid riding alone (understandable), but they don't deign to hop on a bicycle themselves. Or maybe they have smaller children in the car. But when my kids were little, they loved to ride in the bike seat or trailer (probably safer). My German friends would be horrified.

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There's a good reason to ride bikes: There is very little parking at the pool itself. There is parking across the street, at the school, but that would require people to actually walk across the street (I know, I know - the graphic images that spring to mind are shocking) in order to get to their cars. For days, people parked on both sides of the driveway, making it difficult to get in - or out - by car or bike. E-mails were sent to the parents - no luck. Signs were finally posted; after about a week of reminders people finally got the hint.

It's been painful to watch parents walk the nearly 30 yards from the school to the pool, but we are troupers. The price we pay for others' safety.

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One friend of mine - whom I like very much, by the way - mentioned one day that her daughter probably wouldn't make it through the entire practice, as the water was sooo chilly. Daughter did, in fact, stay in the whole time, and when Daughter grabbed her towel, Mom said, How did you stand it? Wasn't the water freezing? Daughter just looked at her, and finally said, No, it was fine. But Mom had to persist - Wasn't it ice cold? Were you OK? I was sure you'd get out early! Daughter continues to stare blankly: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Hint to Mom: Drop it! Is it any wonder your child is as whiny as she is on occasion? Could it be because of the expectations you set up for her?

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And then there was the overheard conversation on swim team attire. One mom sitting next to me at practice was yakking to a friend about the team suits, etc. Her son had tried on a swim cap, but Mom said, No way. No son of mine is being seen in a swim cap. The other mom said, you know, lots of boys wear them. Noooo way, first mom said. Not my son.

For. Crying. Out. Loud. Doesn't take a genius to see where she's headed here: Wearing a swim cap might turn her son - horrors - gay. I'm sure there's a causal relationship: Wearing certain head gear can change a child's sexual orientation.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Lots of boys wear them - boys who don't want to cut their hair ultra-short but want to be able to see; older boys who are very competitive wear them. Trust me - they do. Boys wear Speedos, too - I'm sure some of them are even straight. Turn on the Olympics this summer and you'll see (remember Mark Spitz?) - it's just gear for the sport.

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Nothing like open-minded people to set me off. This woman will be enlightened eventually. But in a subdivision of 2400-plus homes, there are bound to be a few.

Throw in the parents who rant at their kids about their time, parents who ride their kids about winning, parents who leave trash lying around after meets for someone to clean up (our tent was full of water bottle and food refuse that we did not bring) and it makes for quite a day.

The swim team board of directors deserves a lot of credit - they try hard to alleviate these problems, but when you're dealing with people, it ain't easy. Example: Parents write a check for volunteering. If you work the required number of shifts, the check is shredded. If you don't, the check is cashed. The check is written for $250. They thought about making it $100 but figured that enough parents would just let them cash it that they had to make it high enough to hurt.

This is the level of crazy amidst which I live. Good thing I am as sane and tolerant as I am, huh?