Excess

This month's Redbook has an article about how much is too much to buy your kids. It addresses my concerns about buying them too much designer clothing, expensive iPods, mobile phones, shoes, gameboys, and on and on and on.

This is what I struggle with every day of my life. What should the limits be? I grew up with plenty. Plenty. Sure, there were kids who had more, and some who had less. But I had more than I needed.

My kids have even more. Some of it they have bought themselves - Alison saved her money and bought her own iPod; Maddie worked and bought that expensive purse (very expensive - egads). I'm putting them on a budget for school clothes - more than a set amount, and they can pay the difference. If they choose to buy one or two expensive things rather than lower-priced items, then it will be their choice. I think they understand; Maddie already said Sylvia will have more clothes because she will likely shop at Old Navy while Maddie prefers Abercrombie.

OK then. Lesson learned.

Tomorrow is Maddie's birthday. No. 13 - wow. Where did the time go? She has been telling me for months she wants one thing: a cell phone. But what does a seventh-grader need with a cell phone? As my mother-in-law asked her, Who would you call on a cell phone that you can't call on your home phone? Excellent question. Her reponse? All her friends have them. You can text your friends.

Not exactly winning arguments to my ears. And I can name several reasons why she does not need one: Expense. Extended contract. Too much privilege. Safety (ie, kids on their mobile phones late at night unbeknownst to parents). And on and on.

Naturally, we made the right decision. Meaning, we (I) totally caved and got her one.

Somehow, in this negotiating and getting Maddie a phone ... well, how do I put this ... I ended up with an iPhone.

An iPhone! Can you believe it?

But back up a second. What was all this earlier talk about excess, about teaching my children proper values?

I know, I know, I know ... but an iPhone!

(Let me just pause here to interject that it is probably THE coolest gadget ever. Ever. And I do mean EVER. It is so not overrated - it is, in fact, better than what the reviews have said.)

OK, so I am nothing if not a living, breathing mass of contradictions. I am not infallible - not that I ever said I was - and I know I make mistakes. I do try hard to be a good parent, to set a good example for my girls. And I struggle, a lot, with what we are teaching them. How do we talk about caring for the environment, being earth-friendly, when we are cooling 4100 sf of living space? And running a pool? Do the 80 pairs of shoes in my closet set a good example? My trips to the hair salon for color, to the spa for manis and pedis teach my children about vanity?

And yet we do teach them to have a social conscience - it was with unmanicured nails that I took Alison to demonstrate in Washington. I wash my Ziploc bags, take my own bags to the supermarket. We read to the girls, encourage excellence in school, take them on educational vacations, encourage them to be themselves, to speak up for what they believe in. We want them to be strong young women, ready to take on the world.

I would also like them to have some humility, to understand the value of a dollar and about hard work. Their father works very hard - 11-hour days are typical, not to mention all the travel - so everything we have is the result of his labor. I have always worked, part time, in order to set a good example. We try to live an existence that stresses the real importance in life, to spurn materialism.

So maybe we're not passing that one with flying colors exactly. But come on - an iPhone! Could you say no?

Apparently I couldn't.

Maddie's phone will be her only gift - when she is getting a mobile phone, you hate to overdo it. We're going shopping, then to the movies (Hairspray), then out to dinner at Joe's Crab Shack. But I'm baking her cake. She wanted ice cream cake, but she'll be having one when she has her party.

Because really, two ice cream cakes? That would be over the top now, wouldn't it?